walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
