What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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