I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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