So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
