just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
