Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
