All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
