youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
