i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
