Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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