dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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