i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
