Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
