My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
