My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
