Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
