If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Randomize
