her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
