good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My Sexting was not on an AP level
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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