So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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