Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Oh god it's open bar.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
