you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
