my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
