i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
