Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
