And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
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