I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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