I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
