if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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