I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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