is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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