my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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