Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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