I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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