it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
