theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
