i think i have two assholes
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You made out with two different species that night
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
