it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
