i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
