I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
