I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
