we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You've changed since you got that strap on
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
