dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just cropdusted the office
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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