He disabled his match.com account in front of me
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
