my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
