if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
two words: eviction party
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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