he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
