The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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