Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
