Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
nutella sex= disaster
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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