Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
