i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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