considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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