I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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