Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
