Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
