The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
