Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I could fuck to npr.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
